Today I am 40
Today I am 40.
Today I declare what I don’t like: insincerity and conversations about the weather.
Today I don’t mind the wrinkle on my forehead because I earned it from pondering.
Today I am at peace with coulda beens – opportunities passed, friendships lost, and the children that couldn’t be. I’d like to say this happened this morning. But, it is the product of 40 years worth of time.
Today I understand that life brings its share of hurts. What comes easier to others may come harder, or not at all, for you. The wise learn earlier than 40 that being genuinely happy for others is a gift you give yourself - because joy is not a zero sum game.
Today I stand here having experienced natural disasters, epic home repairs, serious family illness, sadness, and disappointments. All of this has given me a tender heart, a spine of steel, and an inner voice that whispers: “You got this.”
Today I am glad I wore sunscreen and learned to type. I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a father who never cared I wasn’t a son. I am thankful to a mom who convinced me my hands were naked unless they were holding a book.
Today I know what things about myself I can change, and what things I can’t. At 40, you learn the difference.
Today I accept that some prejudice is just fine if it’s against people who are unkind to waitstaff and the casually cruel. Those who only shine by dimming the light in others don’t deserve my respect or attention. Because, at 40, you’ve the life experience to meaningfully judge.
Today I will continue to be impulsively kind because it has brought me rescue pets.
Today I still need to say yes to things that scare me a little but should start saying no to a fourth slice of pizza.
Today I will need to care more about insurance, cholesterol, and vitamins but less about chores – especially when the alternative is a long afternoon spent in the company of an old friend.
Today I have lived 14,610 days. Today I am smug enough to say I accounted for leap years, but smart enough not to brag because I am better with a pen than a calculator.
Today I recognize there are things with which I’ll never be at peace: I will always be a little too tall. I will always carry a few too many pounds. I will always wish I did something more or said something better. Regrettably, regret never goes away. At 40, forgiving others is still easier than forgiving yourself. But, both are equally important.
Today I say thank you to family and friends. We may talk everyday or perhaps haven’t seen each other for 20 years. But, you are weaved into the invisible quilt I wear every day of my life – the one that warms me when life leaves me cold, and that makes every day more colorful.
Today I will give unsolicited advice: Learn to drink black coffee because it simplifies things. Always offer the last piece before eating it yourself. Don’t be the first to throw a punch, but learn how to punch. If a person older than you is telling a story, listen. Black pants go with everything. If you want to save money at the supermarket, read the unit price. Praise in public and correct in private. Use the word “hate” even more seldom than the worst curse you know. Never say no to homemade bread.
Today I am 40. Onwards and upwards.
